Life reflections

It's the first of September at 4:30am and I'm sitting at work in the ER, with random life reflections starting to happen within my head. I'm just sitting here thinking about my life as a whole and all the things that have been going on lately. Over the summer I had a talk with my parents about how I was unhappy working at Jcpenney where I had worked for almost 6 years, since I was 16 years old and it had been my first and only job. The environment in that place was just changing too much for my liking and it was beginning to trouble my spirit. The management had changed and the people that came in did not care about any of us nor did they appreciate the hard work that we put in to ensure that the store ran efficiently. So after a very emotion conversation with my parents and them telling me that if I don't like a situation then only I had the control to change it, then I began my search for my next job and it had to be something that I felt like would help to contribute to my education and my pursuit in becoming a neurosurgeon. So after many applications and job offers I finally was offered a position at one of the hospitals near my university working in the ER as a unit secretary. It was a blessing and I was greatly appreciative, so I took it as an opportunity and took the position. After taking the position I decided not to quit my job at jcp right away until I got used to the hospital and knew that I would want to stay, plus it was hard letting go of the first and only job I had work for almost 6 years of my life. It was still summer time so I had time to work both jobs. But then as time went on and the summer came to a close shit started getting even worse at jcp and I just said forget them and finally put my resignation in because I felt like I had served my time, worked hard and was unappreciated and also I didn't need that job anymore for the mediocre pay that I was receiving to be treated like complete and total shit. So that was a decision that I felt like was made for the best.

Last week was first week of my senior year in undergrad and from being in summer school and seeing all the things that had taken place before the fall semester even started I could tell that this was going to be an interesting school year. I moved off campus and got my own apartment by myself, I'm taking some of the most difficult classes of my undergrad career, I'm balancing working weekend night shifts at hospital while being a full time student, I'm running most of the organizations in my department and all while trying to focus on keeping my eye on the  prize which is GRADUATION in May. But all in all I will be starting and ending this last year with a bang.

Some of the random thoughts that have gone through my mind this morning were the fact that I am still working on accepting the fact that I'm not in a relationship but at the same time I have no real desire to be in a relationship right now, because no one seems to be of interest to me. Everyone is either boring, childish, not my type, etc., there are just too many wrongs and not enough rights at this moment. I think it's partly because I'm focusing on me finally, which is the always a great thing, and it's partly because I have no reason to worry about when the next person is going to come into my love life, because when God feels it fit the will send him my way.

Throughout everything that has been going on lately, my faith has been greatly strengthened and my focus on myself as well. 

I don't know exactly where I will be at this time next year but what I do know is that all I can do is take it day by day and give it my all.

Live your free and one life. Care less, rock big hair, dream more and support it with lots of prayer. 

Namaste Beautiful! ✌ ❤ 😊

Signed Black Bohemian Goddess!

I CAN NOT be defined

So I know it's been a minute since I last said anything but wow has it been a rough couple of months. I just wanted to focus on getting through my junior year and let me just say I MADE IT!! 

Senior year, graduation and real life all comes next year. I'm officially going to be in the real world one year from now. Yes it is kind of scary but at the same time I'm super excited for it. I've learned so much in the past year, seen a lot, and longed for so much more. I have so many dreams and aspirations. I want don't want to miss out on anything in these young adults years of mine and I don't want to have any regrets. 

It's the year of 22 for me and I have so much planned. I want to see the world before I settle down and get married, I want to try new things and experience things that people only long for or see in films. Fluent Spanish, play the guitar, play piano, paint, take pictures, write poetry and go to a poetry lounge and just be around people with nothing but cool vibes surrounding them, I want to go to the local Caribbean festival, explore Europe, Safari through all of South America, experience Carnival, go the Colombian festival, change my eating habits and my way of life. Wow! A girl can really dream eh. But this girl is not just dreaming, she plans on putting these things into action.

You're probably wondering how the hell does this full time college student, who's supposed to be going to medical in a year plan on doing any of this. Well guess what we're both wondering the exact same thing, the only difference is I don't have any doubts that it's completely possible.

I've come to the conclusion that medical school may not be something that happens right away and I've said that a year off is completely acceptable if need be. I can get a masters in biopsychology or I join the peace corps and help impact lives.

I feel like there is no real limit to what I can and can not accomplish. I CAN NOT BE DEFINED. My individuality and my freedoms will not allow me to be constricted or confined into a world that is only selfish about themselves. I want to  be able to aid others, while making sure that putting myself first is a must. I can never completely care for someone else if I don't care for myself properly first. I have to love myself for me,enjoy being with myself, enjoying my own company and being able to laugh with myself. I have stopped longing for a boyfriend and learned to really enjoy ME. I'm slowly learning to let everything go and hand to all over to God because he's the one who has control over it all. I can't worry myself, if I can not "truly" control anything. Let things fall as they may and just live my one life.

I've recently found my love for the little things that I did when I was younger, Mother Earth, the sky, the plants, the birds, all animals, reading a good book, enjoying a soothing bubble bath. It truly is the little things that keep me happy. 

I know that I WILL be a succesful neurosurgeon with a specialty in surgical neuro-oncology. Saving lives, finding cures, having a wonderful family and putting smiles on a different persons face everyday. At the end of my life I want to be able to say I lived a prosperous and enjoyable life.

That's just a little bit of the things that flow throughout this ever flowing mind of mine. I'll make sure to keep blogging throughout this summer. 

Live your free and one life. Care less, rock big hair, dream more and support it with lots of prayer. 

Namaste Beautiful! ✌ ❤ 😊

Signed Black Bohemian Goddess!